Mentally ill-ed.

Saturday, May 28, 2011 0 Comments

Visited the doctor cause of my frequent chest pain after work yesterday. Waited for quite long, but i wasn't really comfortable with the doctor. This sexy old middle age doctor (my mum's age) is damn weird can! If i can, i would try not to go to her unless necessary!

After so many any-o-how guessing, i was diagnosed with ?depression, ?anxiety & ?stress. She said it was a muscle strained due to anxiety & stress & maybe depression which makes the pain strike. Oh, well, i dont feel stress, would feel depressed more.

And she told me, "Nobody will know they feel stress!"

But to me, i think most of the people will know & can feel that their stress level is rising. But i didnt felt any unless at work which was quite minimal.


To me, i will only feel stress when im overloaded with stuff which i cannt cope with. For example, so many things are passed on to me & patients are making a big hoo-ha saying that they waited for so long etc & i couldnt solve all of the problem given to me effectively & efficiently. And as far as a human can, they can only handle one thing at one time & you felt lost. Yes, this is when i feel stress! 

Different people define stress differently, issnt it?  

Anyway, had started my anti-depressant & anti-anxiety drug. Had 4 tablets & some syrup down into my esophagus & now resting to my gastric. Now i felt as if im floating in the air & i felt so light right now! I even cannot walk straight now, i need sleep! 

Its like you felt tipsy after a drink! In order to just throw everything out of my mind for a short period of time, my solution is to induce drug to make myself sleep. I know what im doing is wrong but what else can i do?  




Anyway, my face is nude today. Headed to BBDC for my advance theory. Was disappointing cause i failed by 1 mark in my both my attempt. Maybe i didnt concentrate on reading those question cause my phone kept vibrating throughout the entire test. 

I felt so distraughted cause the guy sitting beside me kept looking at me with the expression "Can you please bloody turn off that vibrating phone?!". Wtf man! I guess im gonna stop for now, even for practical lessons & save real hard for my upcoming studies. Im desperate for cash!! I need cash!!!




You kept striking me, be it in reality or virtually. I had told myself i will be strong, i can do without anyone! No matter how the outcome is, i strongly believe that what is mine will be mine eventually. Im waiting right here although its getting impatience! 

ILY, IMY, IHY, HOW?  

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