Greetings, girls from Venus & boys from Mars! You have stepped in the online abode of Little-Miss-Wendy, which houses her mindless musings and lovely rantings. She blogs to express, not to impress. You're obviously permitted to have a look around, but of course, itchy fingers aren't entertained - so don't take what's not yours. ;)
Dear haters, you just see my glory not my story! Be a girl with a mind, a bitch with an attitude, and a lady with class ♥
*** Tell me whose joke is the best & funniest?! Tag me!!
Miko Alex is a fat guy, and aaron is his fren, they started talking about Junior Colleges and Polytechnics. Aaron: Ehs.. i want to go to Temasek Junior College u lehs? Alex: Yar Same! I can DSA into there next time. Aaron: U DSA WAD CCA??? ---Guess wad aaron continued his sentence--- Arron:" you soo fat.. U DSA By TAF CLUB arhs???
XiaoYan It was a man's birthday. When he woke up he told his wife he wanted to go out for a while. The wife said," Ok but be back by 8 o clock. I have a surprise for you". So the man went out and then something told him to eat onions and bake beans. And then, he walked into a restaurant and somehow ordered LOTS of bake beans and onions. When he finished he could not stop farting. He farted and farted very loudly until the nearby people turned to stare at him. Later, the man glanced at his watch. It was nearing 8 and he had to go home. He wondered how was he going to explain the situation to his wife. He proceeded home and kept his legs together for preventing his farts from coming out. His wife did not notice this and even blindfolded him, plus also taking him to a room. "Now, u stay here for a while while i go out to get something", his wife said. The man was relieved, he could stand it no longer so he farted: " POOOOOOOOOOOTTT" and then after that a second one. As he heard noises, he opened his eyes and to his HORROR, he saw 20 of his friends standing in the room STARING at him, and one of them holding a birthday cake which was blown away. And then after that, his wife happened to yawn and then VOMITED.
ShinYin A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand up her skirt and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable son of a BITCH!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her."
Elaine Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what..... A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!" "Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! ? Better not eat any more chicken." He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her! She said, "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!! p.s. i typed the wrong account just now. my apologies.
Qing
One day, 3 men rushed their wives into the Emergency Room for labor. After a while, the doctor came out and said, "Mr. Smith, Mr. Smith, are you here?" "Yes doctor, i'm right here," he said anxiously. "Great news," explained the doctor, "Twins!" "Wow, that's great, because I work for the DoubleMint company." About 5 minute later, the doctor came out and yelled, "Mr. Jones, Mr. Jones, are you here?" "I'm right here Doc," he said. "Mr. Jones, great news, triplets!" "Spectacular!" he said. "Because I work for 3M." A while later, the doctor came out again and said, "Mr. Ford, Mr. Ford, are you here?" "Right here doctor," he said. "Wonderful news! It's-" "Wait a minute!" the man said. "I ain't stickin' around for this! I work at the 7-11."
Stella A newlywed couple moves into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?" The husband says, "What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?" A few days go by, and he comes home from work and his wife says, "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?" He says: "What do I look like, Mr. Goodwrench?" Another few days go by, and it's raining pretty hard. The wife finds a leak in the roof. She says, "Honey, there's a leak on the roof! Can you please fix it?" He says, "What do I look like, Bob Vila?" The next day the husband comes home, and the roof is fixed. So is the plumbing. So is the car. He asks his wife what happened. "Oh, I had a handyman come in and fix them," she says. "Great! How much is that going to cost me?" he snarls. Wife says: "Nothing. He said he'd do it for free if I either baked him a cake or slept with him." "Uh, well, what kind of cake did you make?" asks the husband. "What do I look like," she says, "Betty Crocker?"
KaiJun Once there was a girl , named Dolly & her mother employed a maid . The girl always wished that she could fly . Her maid tricked her and said if she ate 10 chicken wings , she'll have wings and she'll fly . Dolly , being fooled then ate 10 chicken wings although she's full. So she started to see if she had wings or not . But she realise that there's no wing at all. So she told her maid to draw a pair of wings for her . Her maid drew and cut out the wing & pasted on her hand. Soon , she opened the window & then she tried to fly. Well , she failed :D
Amalinda There was 2 blondes. They wanted to go to Disneyland. Then they came to two routes. They read the sign that worte : "Disneyland left" so they U-turnd and went home.
FangMin There was a teacher in a school who had shoulder-length hair, the kind with the ends of her hair curling in towards her neck. She loved catching students with long bangs. She'll always go up to them and say, "Hey, you have cockroach's feelers. Cut them and show me tomorrow." She said the same thing to a student who happened to be a person full of nonsensical jokes. This was what the student said : "Hey teacher, if I have feelers, then you have a helmet. 'Remove the helmet' (which means to cut all her hair) by tomorrow!" From then on, the teacher had nothing to say.
Michelle An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a setof hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctorsaid, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that youcan hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit aroundand listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" Thanks ! :D
MunFoong Alvin : you like colour pencils or crayon ? Andy : Crayon , because the colours very nice . Alvin : i like colour pencils because very clean and also gt a lot of colour-es (walk to the canteen) Alvin : i dun like that person Andy : why ? Alvin : (in a very sassy voice) the dirty things all stuck stuck there then grow the red red thing , very ugly one lo !
Chloe
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off ? go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you
Fannie One day, Aaron took a bus and he sit besides a pregnant lady. Aaron : Maam, what's inside your stomach ? Pregnant lady : My baby. I love her very much. :) *Aaron thought for awhile... * Aaron : If you love your baby so much, why did you eat her up ? *women faints* The next day, Aaron followed her mama to the supermarket and saw a fat man. Aaron : Uncle, why you eat your baby ? Fat Man : Siao ahs ! (crazy). I man lehs, why have baby ?!?!?! Aaron : oooo~ then what's inside ? Fat Man : Fats. :)
Hazel Poor Guy A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
Charlene John is in Amsterdam and visits a nudist colony there. While wandering around naked he sopts a gorgeous blonde and he immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over and says "Sir, did you call for me?" John replies: "No!" She says "Well, it's a rule here that if I give you an erection, it means you called for me." She then layes him down and starts making love to him. Later that day John visits the sauna, but as he sits down he farts. A huge big hairy guy get up, drops his towel to show a huge erection and says "Sir, did you call for me?" John replies, "No!" The man says, "It's a rule that when you fart, it implies you called for me." The man then knocks John to the floor and has his way with him. As soon as he's finished John rushes back to his room, grabs all his things and heads for the exit. On his way out he's stopped by the manager he askes "Can I help you ?" John says "Here's my room keys I'm leaving early" The manager asks why and John replies "I'm 60 years old, I get an erection once a week but I fart 20 times a day !!"
***
Wonder why no updates recently? The answer is im plain lazy! LOL! Jus nth nice for me to update about!
27th-Feb, Fri
Went for my appointment in SGH. Waited for quite long. Was scheduled for ultrasound on 3th-Mar. Went to meet Bf at his school. Lazed around his hse till night & headed to JP to buy *
28th-Feb, Sat
Literally hav a damn big fight with Bf twice in a day! Once in the morning & once at night!
1st-Mar, Sun
Had steamboat in Bugis with Bf, sis & elisha. Yea, im a big eater!
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